Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize