just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
