wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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