I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
