well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
