people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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