xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
