How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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