Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize