Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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