is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
