is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize