John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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