Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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