My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
