Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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