is your mom at the bar?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
