So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
