I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
