if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
