i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
