She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Life is so much better after having sex.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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