Little spoons don't ask big questions
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
