Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
