I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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