Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
