I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
