In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
