**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
