I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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