The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize