One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
