ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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