Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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