if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
