I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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