why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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