some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize