South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
