So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
