The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
