I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
