Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
