dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
