I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
