Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize