My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
