The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
