You just made me feel so damn special
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
