If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
