Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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