Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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