Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
