I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
