Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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