he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I could fuck to npr.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
