just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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