I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
