If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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