On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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