its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
