Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
