Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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