how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
