Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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