My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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