i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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