I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
