Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
