When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
