So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We got so high we made milksteak
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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