dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
