Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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