You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
