Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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