so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
