I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
