wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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