barbara walters just said penis...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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